Calm Amongst the Chaos

I know it is wrong to play favorites, but I have one. My favorite blog on this planet is from this sweet young woman who is going to make some kids the luckiest on this planet because she is their pediatrician. 6yearmed. Or some really lucky parents to get to have their most precious charms being looked after by some one like her. I linked to this recent post she made that I can’t manage to read and re read without just loosing it. Please read the link before continuing.

I don’t know if is it the way she describes mom’s tired eyes. Because so many of us know those tired eyes. The eyes that spent way too many days looking at monitors. Looking at their child in a hospital gown. Spend too many hours looking at the clock. Eyes that cried more tears than they ever felt humanly possible. Eyes that were beyond a shadow of a doubt, exhausted.
Or is it the way she describes the way that the mom smelt her daughter head, her sweet, sweet bald head and maybe was remembering that smell she was born with. I know there is nothing like the smell of your child’s head when they are freshly brand new in your arms. But when you are a mom you can’t help but love to smell those heads years later, fresh out of a bath, or fresh with sweat after playing all day in the sun. Smelling and kissing heads is something us parents do over and over again and when I read that part I just have so much hurt. So much compassion for this mom kissing this sweet bald head.
Having a special needs child puts you in a different world. A different place to parent from. You see things from a different perspective and it seems like with a lot more compassion. Yet I still don’t know what it is like to have a terminally ill child. To have a child that once was healthy and then became sick. Lily came as is. In my dreams before she was born she was something she is not, but she came here showed me all that she was about in less than a month and said take me or leave me. And I was on board. She is and will always be my angel girl and maybe down the road her condition may change, she may not be as healthy as she is today, but right now Lily is healthy. She is happy and she is my girl. I can’t imagine her not being healthy. Not knowing if she will survive the night. Those are fears that overwhelm me and are incomprehensible so when I read that post about that mom and daughter. A mother daughter relationship that I know so well with a “neuro typical” daughter and my “special” one, to see it so open. So tender and so frightening. It just captures the entire “me” and I am sure the entire “yous”.
Thanks Danielle for bringing such a tender heart to such an amazing profession.

And I know my web would read: BLESSED